What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 02.07.2025 03:36
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
All the time i was locked up.
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You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
What do you think about wearing sheer pantyhose?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Why do unattractive men assume that a pretty woman like me want them?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I have no regrets .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
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I waited trembling.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
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As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
What are some recommended foods for reducing eye fatigue?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Why do men love boobs (irrespective of big or small)?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My family never makes their pension either.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
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And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Ipsam commodi repudiandae aliquid.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Why don’t the little sugar breeches gun owners understand that life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
What is every dictators biggest fear?
He knew the spot.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I was scared of men, in general
I will be 64.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
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For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
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It was going to be , some day.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She wouldn,t have been !
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
What did i know ?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Would this be the day?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Put me off passion for life!!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He resisted the act ,that day.
My life is so biszare .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was seconnd youngest,
So whats the point in blame.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was 9 years of age.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I couldn’t, believe it.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I was very sick at this time too.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Especially a lifetime of it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She found it foreign!.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Ive learnt so much.
She loved him until the end.
When she asked me how she looked .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
(And it was in our own minds.)
This is soul school!.
She married twice! .
Comes on , in middle age.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Im still living with it.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Who then, do I blame.?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But ive been too sick for many years..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I said to her
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We all went to grammer schools
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She was in good health!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I don,t even have a pension.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I write beautiful poetry .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Was to survive, this bastard.
But, we were locked up after school.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But it wasn’t much.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We were not on the streets..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I think the readers, may guess!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Where the ultimate outsiders.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I never cut or harmed myself..
And i lived it daily.
One cannot live in the past .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So, i spoilt her more .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?